Current mood:	discontent
Current music:	radio gibberish

Why the Anxiety?
So, Adam and I are doing fine. I love being married to him :). Our home is very comfortable. Our lives are very comfortable. I still have my 3 jobs -and would rather have one good one, but it will come. I have some good leads and no reason to hurry. I know I just need to give these things some time. And I like all 3 of my current jobs.

I have great relationships with friends and family -and enough time to enjoy them. Everyone is basically happy and healthy. We live pampered lives and I'm enjoying it. And when I curl up with my loving husband in our soft, warm, cozy bed at night and fall asleep, I have intense anxiety dreams all night. They come in many flavors, but the most confounding are the school-related ones. I'm Graduated -with 2 degrees! If I bother to get a third, I know I will be stuck in academia. There are Very Few jobs not academic for phd's in plant science in the midwest. The entire time I was in school I had ONE anxiety dream. And, it was about everything Except School! Now, all night I don't know what class I'm supposed to be in. I don't know what's going on in the class where I am sitting. I don't know what my schedule is or how to find out. No one around me can help me even tho they try, cause I am too clueless. And, I do need help. All I know is I'm failing and I have no idea how to change it. And, I can't get out of school! I clench my teeth until my jaw locks and wake up with heinous headaches. I grind my teeth and wake up my poor, hard-working husband with the noise. During the day I'm restless. Goatgirl -as usual with her wicked sharp ability to catch the heart of the matter -totally described the way I feel -Like I am not where I should be.

But, where should I be? What is wrong with what I have? What is wrong with what I'm doing? Of course, only I can answer that question. No one around me can help me even tho they try, cause I am too clueless. And I do need help.

I'll try volunteering...and maybe a hobby...an exercise routine?...meditation...maybe I just need some really good ice creame.